bonjparoles

If the word ‘Crazy’ has a definition it would be Marcus Dinara. Sure all of Daniel’s friends are crazy tapi Marcus kali ini kelewatan. Siapa yang menyangka kalau pria itu akan membawanya ke konser SZA. Dengan pakaian seadanya Daniel pergi ke konser SZA dan Marcus malah tersenyum dengan lebar melihat Daniel yang kehabisan kata-kata untuk memarahinya.

The concert is starting and they giggle ready to sing the first song of the tour. ‘Seek & Destroy’ being the first song dan mereka bernyanyi seperti orang yang sangat disakiti oleh mantannya. They keep singing on the top of their lungs dan akhirnya berada di setlist ‘Nobody Gets Me’.

Marcus merangkul Daniel dalam pelukannya dan mereka menyanyikan chorus pertama dengan lantang. Lagi. Ketika chorus kedua tiba Marcus memutar badan Daniel menjadi menghadap dirinya. Matanya menatap Daniel sangat dalam saat menyanyikan lirik,

I don’t wanna see you with anyone but me

Nobody gets me like you

How am I supposed to let you go

Only like myself when I’m with you

Nobody gets me, you do

He mean it. Only Daniel gets the real Marcus and that’s the only time he can be himself without masking his personality in front of the others. It's just Marcus and Daniel.

Daniel merasakan ada yang beda dari tatapan Marcus. He feels it deep in his bones. It’s odd and relaxing at the same time. He can’t explain why but his guts know Marcus will tell him sooner or later. It could be now. All he needs to do is wait. Patiently.

Marcus brings Daniel and he circles his arm around the waist while keeping his head near Daniel’s when they finally reach the end of the tour and ‘Good Days’ is playing. It’s a song owned by Marcus and Daniel since it was released. Marcus remembers driving to Daniel’s house when SZA dropped the song. Playing it over and over while looking for the right key to play on his guitar. He also remembers the day they were singing on the balcony below the warmth of the sun with Daniel in his hold.

Marcus feels so overwhelmed with all the sudden nostalgia hitting him like a train and there is this voice that keeps telling him to say the words. He’s been waiting for so long for this moment and if he doesn’t say it now he will never find the right time again.

Tepat ketika Marcus ingin mengungkapkan perasaannya SZA mengucapkan ending ment. Maybe on the way back. Gumamnya tapi didengar oleh Daniel. “What?” Daniel memutar wajahnya menghadap Marcus. “Later. On the way back.” Marcus kiss the side of his head.

“I like you since the day we met.”

Daniel yang sedang memasang safety belt langsung mengalihkan pandangannya ke arah Marcus. Ia menggenggam erat sabuknya ketika Marcus kembali mengulang ucapannya dengan suara yang lebih jelas. Membuat Daniel tidak sanggup untuk mengeluarkan suara.

“I— I don’t know what to say, Marc.” He feels so dumb. Daniel merasa harusnya ia bisa mengetahui lebih awal dari cara Marcus menatapnya sepanjang konser tadi. Everyone in the room can see the elephant except him.

Di sisi lain Marcus mulai merasa kurang percaya diri. I think I picked the wrong timing. Shoul have wait a little. Now I just ruin everything.

Daniel membuka suaranya, “Don’t blame yourself on this. I’m the one that should be blamed for not noticing your feelings sooner.” Marcus merasa dibaca luar dan dalam. “I’m sorry Marcus, I was too dumb to understand everything.” No. Nini shouldn’t be apologizing to him.

“No. It’s on me. I picked the wrong timing. I should just wait a little longer.”

“A little longer in your dictionary doesn’t actually mean a little and I will be the foolish one for making you like that.”

This will go around and round if they keep blaming themselves. Marcus has to take the lead again. “You’re right. I’m too much of a coward after all. Thus, I will say it again. This time with a better wording.” Marcus places his palm on the side of Daniel’s cheek. “Would you like to listen to this fool?” Daniel smile so brightly and leaning to his touch, “Yes.”

“I breathe the air the same way as I like you. It’s a need and if I stopped liking you it would be the day my heart chooses to cardiac arrest. Your smile is like a cinnamon to my french toast, it makes everything perfect. When you tell me about your day it sounds like all the love songs in the 70s. ”

Marcus opens his phone and starts searching for a song to play on his aux. Staring at Daniel Cassia Gray with nothing but eyes full of love. But baby, can’t you see there’s nothing else for me to do, “I’m hopelessly devoted to you.” He takes one of Daniel hand to be kissed by him.

Daniel is red as a cherry. Damn you Marcus and your sweet mouth. “You’re so cheesy.” Daniel covers his face with both of his hands. Marcus says nothing but kisses the back of his hands lovingly.

“You should see a thousand more cheesy poems I wrote about you, honeypie.” Daniel let out a long pitchy whine. Marcus giggles when Daniel starts whining again after he leaves a kiss on his right cheek. “Baby, look at me.” Daniel still covers his face. “If you don’t look at me I will lift you to my lap.”

Daniel does as Marcus says and tries to make eye contact with him. (His face is burning red). Marcus brush the tinted red cheeks with his thumb. “I just want to say one more thing. You don’t have to give any answer.” Daniel make a protest, “But—”

Marcus shakes his head. “Give me the answer, next time, when I ask to want a relationship with you. For now let this marinate and don’t make your pretty little head work too much, okay?” Daniel nods his head. “I’m sorry—” Marcus cut him instantly. “Nuh uh. Never ever say sorry. Let’s talk another thing. What do you want to eat? Let’s go there before we head back.”

They did so many fun activities today. Both of them feel so content and Nikolei never been happier every time he gets to spend time alone with the light of his life. All the weight on his shoulders vanishes whenever Daniel’s smile lights up. Everything just feels right again.

They are currently laying on the sheets they rent for their little picnic at the park. Waiting for the sun to say goodbye. Daniel menjadikan tasnya sebagai alas kepala sementara Nikolei menjadikan paha Daniel sebagai bantalnya.

He rests his head against the muscly thigh. Making himself comfortable while on it. “The cheerleader thing makes your muscle very toned. Jadi ga empuk lagi,” ucap Nikolei sambil memejamkan matanya.

Daniel tentu saja langsung mendengus tidak suka. “Dari pada Lei tulang semua ga ada isinya.” Nikolei diam tidak membalas apa-apa lagi. Keterdiamannya membuat Daniel merasa menang dan puas karena ucapannya berhasil membuat Nikolei kehilangan kata-kata. Tapi yang selanjutnya terjadi membuat Daniel menjerit keras dan beberapa pasang mata menengok ke arah mereka. Nikolei baru saja menggigit pahanya membuat Daniel langsung terlonjak untuk duduk. Ia langsung menyingkirkan kepala Nikolei dan mengelus-elus pahanya.

Gigitannya sudah pasti akan berbekas, mana sekarang Daniel sedang memakai celana pendek. Ingin sekali ia memukul dan melunturkan senyum di wajah Nikolei yang tampak sangat amat bangga dengan perbuatannya. “Stop smiling for God sake. What are you? A dog?” He doesn’t stop smiling dan malah semakin melebarkan senyumannya. If he has a tail it would wagged so hard like a dog.

Daniel menunjuk bekas gigitan di pahanya yang terekspos sembari mengucap segala serapah yang terlintas di benaknya karena temannya tidak kunjung berhenti tersenyum. Tapi amarah Daniel justru membuat Nikolei merasa tenang. All the words that spat at him sounds like a bee making honey on their nest and his vision suddenly all blurry. The only thing he sees is Nini who spark his canvas full of colours that none of his palettes had.

“I like you,” he blurts out. “A lot and probably more than that.” He has no idea how the guts finally made him speak his feelings and make the boy in front of him go silent. Daniel didn’t catch what was going on right now. A minute ago Nikolei bit his thigh, later on he smiled like a dog being proud of what their doing, and now did he just hear his childhood friend say he likes him or it’s just the wind that carries another man confession.

“Lei, can you repeat what you said, please?” Daniel wants to make sure once again.

When Nikolei repeats the confession it sounds like chirping birds and all the people’s talking put together in one, drowning every voice coming out from his childhood friend. “…you.” is the only word he catch and the rest is just wind piercing past his ears.

Nikolei dengan hati yang berdebar kencang menunggu tanggapan dari pria di hadapannya. Apapun jawaban Daniel akan ia terima. It doesn’t matter if his feelings don’t get reciprocated. But it also scares him if his Nini doesn’t feel comfortable anymore and chooses to stay away from him.

While Nikolei waits patiently for feedback Daniel is panicking inside. Trying to put all the words he could hear earlier into a decent sentence. He only remembers Lei saying “I like you” and nothing else. There’s no way he really said that right. Well even if he does like him, Daniel also like Lei. Isn’t that why they become friends in the first place or is it a different kind of like that involves romantic feelings? The thing that he and Sadam once had?

“Are you saying you like me in a no-friend way?” Daniel asks him once again.

“Yes.” Nikolei mendekatkan dirinya kepada Daniel. “I like you, a lot, and more than friend.”

Daniel couldn’t believe what he just heard. “How? Since when?”

“Since forever and only God’s know how I’ve been holding myself to tell you. I don’t wanna ruin what we have, Ni. It’s so beautiful and if my confession makes you go away I will forever hate myself, but I did anyway, revealing myself to you. I will accept the consequences, if you want me to go back to Indonesia right now and wish to never see me again I will do it instantly.”

“Whoa… Hold on. I know everything happens so fast and I’m also still trying to process everything,” Daniel pauses a moment and takes Nikolei hands in his. “Lei, you are a very precious person to me and I will never ever want you to be away from me. So, please don’t ever say things like that again.”

Nikolei now feels guilty for thinking Daniel wants him to be away. Before he can say anything that can soothe the boy Daniel speak his mind first. “I know you must want an answer right now, but I can’t think straight.”

“Nini, hey, sweetie, It’s not a big deal if you can’t give an answer right now. Actually, I don’t think I ever needed any answer. I just want my Nini to know there’s a man who feels lucky he can be accepted in a way no other people can’t accept him. Remember when you never gave up encouraging me to choose art when in real life you’re also dealing with the same problem or there are days when I don’t feel confident with my drawing but you keep telling me I did very good and Picasso should be lucky I’m not born in the same year as him or else it’s gonna be Pablo Nikolei not Pablo Picasso.” Nikolei smiles and tucks Daniel’s hair that blown by the wind behind his ear.

“I find a sanctuary in you. A place where I feel accepted no matter who he is or becomes. You allows me to always be myself. Without you I don’t think I can be who I am today. Oops… Did I just do another confession?” Nikolei giggles when Daniel open and close his mouth repeatly not knowing what to say. “Let’s focus on the sunset. Don’t think too much about what I say. Okay?”

He doesn’t want Daniel to overthink any longer. They are here to have fun. Most importantly he only wants to make Daniel happy and whatever the answer will gonna be, he will face it with an open heart.

Sadam dan Daniel kini duduk bersebelahan di sebuah ruangan yang hanya berisi mereka. Dengan perasaan sedih Daniel terus menatap kaki Sadam yang kini dibalut oleh perban dan dengan reflek tangannya memijit paha Sadam (like a cat making a cookie dough).

“It's okay Nini,” Sadam mengusap pipi Daniel dengan gemas. “Kaki kamu…” Bukannya tenang Daniel malah semakin sedih dan matanya menjadi berkaca-kaca.

Sadam dengan cepat membawa Daniel ke dalam pelukannya. “Udah, jangan nangis lagi. Aku keseleo dikit doang kok paling 2 minggu lagi sembuh. I’m all fine just like you.” Dielusnya punggung Daniel. “Nothing to be worried anymore.” He can’t stand seeing Daniel his Nini cry in front of him and he is responsible for it.

“Kangen. Banget. Aku kangen banget, Sadam.” Ucap Daniel dengan suara paling sedih yang pernah ia keluarkan seumur hidupnya. “Waktu kita tinggal sedikit lagi tapi aku malah bikin kacau dan kita jadi ga ngobrol selama seminggu. All because of my stupid goals and ambition that ruin this little time of ours.” Daniel really failed his job to be a good boyfriend for Sadam.

Belakangan ini mereka banyak bertengkar ntah siapa duluan yang memulai yang pasti Daniel sadar dirinya lah yang lebih banyak memulai pertengkaran kecil dan menyulutnya hingga menjadi besar. Semakin ia sadar waktu yang ia punya untuk bersama Sadam kian berkurang semakin Daniel menjadi sosok yang egois dan ingin memonopoli semua waktu Sadam untuk dirinya sendiri.

Latihan koreo baru hanya salah satu dari keegoisan Daniel agar ia bisa lebih lama bersama Sadam, tetapi taktiknya yang satu itu gagal total dan malah menyebabkan mereka berdua tidak berperang dingin selama seminggu.

Daniel sebenarnya ingin sekali meminta maaf duluan dan kembali bertukar rasa sayang dengan pacarnya tapi egonya yang tinggi membuatnya berpikir Sadam harusnya insiatif untuk reach out duluan dan menyudahi pertengkaran di antara mereka. We only have a little time left and you should realise that and not making this any longer.

Namun, Sadam juga punya alasannya sendiri dan pria itu tidak mau nanti jadinya mengganggu sesi latihan Daniel. Sadam ingin Nini bisa belajar percaya kepada orang lain. Ia mau saat nanti dirinya sudah pindah ke NYU Nini tetap melanjutkan rutinitasnya sebagai cheerleader dan hal ini menjadi sesuatu yang sangat berat bagi Sadam untuk melihat Nini berlatih bersama orang lain dan belajar percaya kepada seseorang selain dirinya. Sadam juga ingin egois dan memiliki Nini untuk dirinya sendiri. Ingin rasanya ia bawa Nini untuk ikut ke NYU bersama dirinya, tetapi itu bukan impian Nini.

They’ve been too hard on themselves and it hurts both of them in the same circumstances. “It’s okay. Really. Jangan minta maaf sama aku,” in Sadam’s eyes Daniel could never do a wrong thing. “You have your goals and all you do is chase them which is good. You are never wrong for doing that.” Sadam melonggarkan pelukan mereka dan ibu jarinya dibawa untuk menyeka air mata di wajah Daniel yang terus berjatuhan. “I should be the one who said sorry. Nini, I’m sorry for being selfish and forgive me for being selfish one last time,” Sadam brings their body closer and he close his eyes while his lips are slowly reaching for Daniel’s.

Their kiss is slow and romantic. Like someone who has been longing for his partner. When they pull from the kiss Daniel and Sadam smile at each other like a dumb fool in love having their first time. Daniel membawa jarinya untuk ia raba pada bibir Sadam. Bibir yang baru saja mengajaknya jatuh cinta lagi dan lagi.

Everything is all sweet and lovely again but they both know there is this one conversation they’ve been avoiding for too long and for a string of seconds of looking at each other they know this is the right time for them to finally speak the unspoken bitter truth.

Sadam membuka suaranya duluan karena ia tahu Daniel terlalu takut untuk membicarakan topik ini duluan. “Daniel, maksudnya Nini,” yang disebut namanya sempat merinding sesaat karena semenjak mereka berpacaran Sadam jarang dan malah tidak pernah memanggilnya dengan nama Daniel. “—as you said before, you don’t think you can do long distance and i’ve come to a conclusion me myself can’t do a long distance either. Let’s part our way in the nicest way possible,” even though we know it will still hurt us in the end.

Sadam menunggu respon Nini dengan hati yang gemetar. He will die instantly if his guts turn out to be wrong, making Nini cry all over again and it’s all because of him. Sudah bisa dipastikan wajahnya sekarang pucat pasi. Bibirnya yang tadi basah karena air liur Nini kini sudah kembali mengering. Ia ingin lepas kontrol untuk sekali lagi dan mencium Nini dengan caranya sendiri, Sadam rela menjadi orang gila jika itu menyangkut tentang pacarnya (soon to be ex lol).

Ia sudah berpasrah diri dan siap mengutuk dirinya berkali-kali ketika mata Nini mulai kembali berair. Namun, alih-alih menangis sedih Nini malah mengangguk dan tersenyum kepada dirinya. Bukan tipe senyuman senang yang biasa Nini berikan kepadanya, senyuman sedih yang menyimpan banyak realita yang harus diterimanya dalam keadaan mau dan tidak mau.

“Let’s part our way in the nicest way possible, Damie.” Daniel's sweet honeyed voice saying his name like reading a poet.

They don’t talk anymore. Silence fills the void, but their eyes communicate in their own way and it’s enough to make both understand it’s better in this way rather than using their voice. Sadam knows if he speaks more than one word he will bleed blood and Daniel understands him for staying silent.

No one wants this to happen but this is for the best. They are letting go of each other without having to let go of their love. Maybe someday it will fade away but Sadam will always be his first and everything. He is Daniel’s first person who made him realize he can say anything he wants as long as he knows the words won’t hurt other people. Sadam taught him not to be afraid of everything that hasn’t happened yet and to always trust himself the most. He is allowed to overthink and Sadam said it is one of his talents to predict things but let the ugly mind consume too much of himself.

First and foremost Sadam opens his eyes as well as his feelings he thought he never knew it was always there all the time. Daniel is very grateful to be able to experience life with Sadam. He will never regret the decision he made to fall in love with Sadam.

Sadam, that man will always cherish Daniel in every step he is going to take in his new chapter of life.

Jaemin was thinking hard about making a temporary place for the cats to sleep and do their activities. Because he knows his fiancé won't let the cats stay in another place other than their home. He was about to move some of the furniture when the phone ring. A call from Renjun.

“Jaemin, can you come here quick? I already send the location. Just get here as fast as you can. Haechan is…”

A faded voice interrupts the call. “Jun… Can't breathe…”

“Hang on. JAEM COME HERE QUICK.”

Shit. Haechan is in trouble. Luckily it's only a couple minute drive from their home. He arrives in less than 5 minutes. He gets out of his car and runs Haechan. “What the hell happened?” Jaemin is confused about the situation. He knows something is happening but he doesn't want to admit it yet.

Haechan let out a shaky voice and a frightening face. “I… I almost crashed. My eyes were itchy and—and I couldn't even breathe. I don't know what's going I thought I was gonna die and kill somebody. But the road is clear and I manage to save our babies.” Tears start to build up. “I’m sorry. It's all my fault. I should've taken the medicine again before I drive. Jaemin. I’m sorry.”

Haechan cries out of panic and his itchy eyes added the problem. “Jaemin, itchy. I should drink the medicine.” Jaemin immediately hugs him when he tries reaching his car to grab his medicine. “Fuck the medicine. We're going to the hospital. Now.” Jaemin carry Haechan to his car leaving Renjun with his cats and Haechan’s car. He speeds to the nearest hospital and takes Haechan to the doctor.

“He should rest for 3 days, but he can go tomorrow if all the symptoms are gone.”

Jaemin nods his head and says thank you.

Haechan is lying on the bed and keeps his eyes out of the window. Like something so interesting is happening outside. He flinches when Jaemin shadow appears in his sight. “Jaem.” He tries not to waver but he still does.

“You know what. I’m so angry right now.” Haechan grips his blanket. His stomach twists when Jaemin speaks to him. “So, so, angry I nearly went mad but I couldn't because I will never forgive myself if I ever let myself do that to you.” Haechan wants to hide from Jaemin. He is embarrassed of himself.

“But I still want to know why you very insist on taking the cats early.” Jaemin crossed his arms.

Even in a position where he has the right to be mad Jaemin still chooses not to do anything to lash out his anger. Is it still appropriate for Haechan to feel he's the most lucky person for having Jaemin as his fiancé in this situation. After all he did.

“Tik…Tok… I need answer.”

Right. He owes him some explanation and if this time Jaemin choose to finally lash out he will understand.

“It's unfair for you to be away from the cats while I can still be close with my pup. I also want my allergy to be better by spending more time with them.”

“We talked about this a thousand times already. I’m fine, Haechan. I mean it. The cats is the love of my life, Snoopy too, and you are also the love of my life. I cannot see you suffer to breathe just because you feel it's unfair for me to be away from the cats. In this part, I get to decide whether I feel unfair or not. If I want to be a selfish person and feel unfair I will let them stay in our room from the beginning.”

Haechan feels like the most dumb person in this world. He thought he did the right thing but he is being selfish instead and bringing danger to himself.

“Don't cry.” Jaemin wipes his tears away. “You try to do the right thing and I appreciate you. But don’t ever do that again when our cats are involved. Let me do the hard work and I’m sure they will understand their Papa. They know you love them with all your heart.”

Jaemin let out a deep breath. “I’m so glad you are okay despise the allergy and everything happened today.” He places a long and deep kiss on Haechan forehead. “I almost lose all of you.” He kiss him again on the lips, “I love you. Very much, Haechan.”

No more fighting and arguments. Haechan just falls into the embrace of Jaemin. “I love you more, Jaemin.” They kiss again. A long and loving kiss. Jaemin was about to head for another kiss when his phone ring for the third time and a long angry message appeared.

Renjun I’M GONNA FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS AND STEAL YOUR CATS AND I’M GONNA TELL THEM THEIR PARENTS DUMP THEM ON THE STREET AND BECAUSE UNCLE RENJUN IS A VERY NICE AND THE KINDEST PERSON ON EARTH SO HE TOOK THE CATS AND TAKE CARE OF THEM AS HIS KIDS. THE END.

“THE CATSSSS!!!!” Both of them scream.

Jaemin sebenarnya sudah berada di parkiran ketika Haechan tiba-tiba mengiriminya pesan mau es krim. Ia taruh semua belanjaan sebelumnya di jok belakang dan kembali masuk ke Farmers Market untuk membeli es krim kesukaan tunangannya.

Kembali membelah lautan manusia demi memenuhi kebutuhan Haechannya. It's not a problem for him. What Haechan wants he will give it to him, like always. Also, being the good fiancé he listen to the song Haechan recommend and search the time stamps.

Please don't ever become a stranger Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere Please don't ever become a stranger Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Jaemin will showers him with kisses once he arrive. Haechan rarely says I love you, but he has his own way to say it. Jaemin never ever complained. He loves him even more.

Jaemin is home where Haechan is there. He kiss him. Not in a sudden. He knows what he's doing and not giving Haechan a break to ask anything and just to accept everything happen. Jaemin hand on the back of Haechan neck and the side of his waist. It's where they always belong. Giving it a squeeze and kiss him even harder.

Haechan tap his shoulder when he's out of breath. “What happen?” He softly caress Jaemin face.

“I won't ever become a stranger. Never. I rather die than do something like that to you. I’m very much, so unbelievably in love with you, Haechan.”

Jaemin kiss him again. This time all soft and just pure love. He look at him like he's the only thing exist in this world. Haechan looks back at him with same sparkly glittery twinkling eyes that make him fall in love a couple of months ago and I’m falling in love again he thought to himself.

Haechan feels love is always coming to him like a wave of the ocean and Jaemin walked into his life to answer all of his what if. He won't ever let go the man who let him be himself and always have enough love for both of them. Even in the silence he knows Jaemin is loving him loud and clear. Haechan return his love in any forms he is capable to do it. Haechan and Jaemin are truly in love.

Jaemin I’m here

Well shit. Haechan turun dengan terburu-buru sambil membereskan rambut dan pakaiannya.

Do I look good? Should've wear concealer before I meet him. But seems like the type of person who doesn't care about looks on people. Wouldn't really matter if I look like the average corporate slave post-work, right?

Haechan Platnya apa?

Jaemin I see you!!! Gosh you look so beautiful

Haechan Jaem fokus!!!! Platnya apa

If the car is still far maybe he could run into the nearest restroom and wear his concealer. But the car just stop right in front of him with the window down already. The person inside beams a smile at him. “HAECHAN!” Jaemin couldn't contain his excitement and like a happy dog who finally see their owner he get off from his car and open the door for Haechan. Just like snoopy. “Thank you.” Haechan smiled after both of them are inside the car.

“AC-nya kedinginan ga? Kursinya pas? How's your day? You look even more beautiful in person. I’m such a lucky man to see you.” Haechan giggled. “Slow down Jaemin. AC-nya pas. Kursinya pas. Hari ini gue ada meeting dan molor dikit as I told you before. But I couldn’t finish to summarise today's yet. It's stills not over.”

Lampu merah. Mobil yang mereka naiki berhenti. Jaemin with one hand and his face turned to him say, “Will you tell me after it's over?” Eyes boring at him with fondness, curiosity, and a slight hint of mischievous. No man ever make him feels like this before and Haechan gets excited of what the upcoming things.

With a teasing voice he says, “Maybe? It's up to me to tell or not, yes?” Eyes sparkling like a glitter and Jaemin is just a man. GAH DAMN. He wants to say it out loud but he can't. Don't wanna reveal himself too fast, damaging his own image and instead he says, “Of course sweetheart. Anything you want to do is up to you.” The lights turn green. Great timing to save his ass from those tempting sparkly glittery twinkling eyes.

A half hour ride and finally they reach their destination. A cute new café with a homey and relaxing ambience. Exactly what Haechan needs after a long tiring day.

“Jaem, lu pesen apa? Samain aja punya gue sama lu.”

They ordered two chicken mushroom piccata pasta. Lemon tea for Haechan because he’s been craving something sour lately and espresso for Jaemin.

“Do you kiss in your first meet or date?”

The impromptu question from Jaemin almost got him choking on his drink. “No. I never kiss my dates.” Jaemin nods at his answer. “Do you?”

Now he's the one who choked. “I do. Not on my first date. Sometimes it's casual occasions kind of kiss.” He doesn't kiss and tell but he didn't hide it either. For a person like Jaemin a kiss is just a kiss nothing special. “I don't make a big fuss about a kiss unless the person is important to me.”

Interesting. Haechan finds him really interesting. None of his past relationships or situationships ever discuss something like this before. They always talk about themselves to impress him and make everything is not about him. Jaemin is different.

“Will you be upset if I refuse to kiss you?”

“Yes.”

“Does it mean…?”

“Yes. I will cry.” Jaemin pretended to shed his imaginary tears. “But, on top of that, I will need your consent. I want to kiss you because you want it. I want you to enjoy the kiss because it feels like love. Like you want to smile while kissing. I also want you to give your all to me and just fall into my arms. I will do anything for you. I will grant them. I will do everything, but only if you let me. Of course no pressure. We can take things slowly if you want. Just tell me and I will do it for you, for me, for us.”

Jaemin hold his hand that sit on the table. “That's how serious I am and how I let you to be the important part of my life. Maybe to you it sounds like I'm just bullshiting around but I really mean it. I’m done fooling around. I want to have a serious commitment in my late 20.”

Something is tingling inside of him. For the first time ever Haechan feel like he could let his guard down and let a man do anything for him. Not using his brain, just being madly in love while Jaemin do everything for him. Just like how he always wants love to work that way.

1. How to get into a pawrent heart

They eat and talk for an hour before Jaemin drive Haechan back to his apartment.

Jaemin told Haechan to wait before he exit the car. “Inget ga gue bilang mau sekalian beli sesuatu? Sebenernya cuma pick up cookie yang gue pesen.” Haechan langsung memasang raut tidak enak. “Berarti tadi lu nungguin gue lama banget dong?”

“It doesn't matter. Nih, cookienya buat lu. Sorry, maksudnya Snoopy tapi safe juga kok kalo dimakan sama manusia.”

Jaemin dengan cengiran khasnya membuat Haechan ingin memeluknya detik itu juga. That damn stupid grin. I want to kiss him to make him shut up. It's only on his mind. So, he just hug and thank him a million times.

“You don't have to do this you know.” Beneran. Haechan sekarang merasa sangat tidak enak. Makanan tadi Jaemin yang membayar saat pria itu izin untuk ke toilet yang ternyata malah membayar bill makanan mereka yang tidak murah harganya. Belum lagi Jaemin menjemput dan mengantarnya pulang padahal rute mereka berlawanan dan cukup jauh. Sekarang dia malah memberinya setoples besar cookie untuk anak kesayangannya Snoopy. He owes Jaemin a lot just by the first time they met.

“Not a big deal. I’m just being a good Dad for my future furbaby.” Jaemin smile so sweetly. “Let's walk you into your apartment. I need to make sure you're safe and sound.” Haechan nods and lead the way to his apartment. He barely knows Jaemin but he feels safe with him.

2. How to make your first date special

They are standing on Haechan’s doorstep. They exchange looks. Not wanting to say goodbye. Not yet. The tension between them is thick. Both person knows what they wanted to do and yet none of them is brave enough to make the first move. One waiting for consent and the other is encouraging himself to be brave and make the first move.

Haechan step closer, erasing the gaps between him and Jaemin. He look up a little and bravely say, “I don't kiss my dates but I can make an exception for you.” He grip Jaemin collar softly and smile with his sparkly glittery twinkling eyes.

Jaemin accept the challenge. He tugs Haechan curly wavy hair behind his ear. “Oh. You do?”

“Yeah,” he giggles, “I do.”

He tilt the smaller chin up. “You don't know how hard it is to resist and holding myself back from kissing you.” Jaemin lips ghost over Haechan. It touch if they attempt to talk.

“You’re right. I don't know how to find reason to kiss your glossy lips until you give me a big jar of cookie for Snoopy.” Their lips almost got tangled in Jaemin. “I’m good at holding back and my baby is waiting. I should probably get inside give him this cookie.”

They were so close and can feel eachother breath. So close and Jaemin can look into the latter eyes to see a whole galaxy in there. Until Haechan decided to be a little brat. Jaemin love challenge and he is so amused being toyed around by Haechan.

“You naughty little one. Your baby can wait his for his cookie and your big baby over here need your attention.” Not letting Haechan escape he pinned him to the walls and hold him there. “I want my cookie too. I won't eat until you give me your consent. Do you let me?”

“Yes, Jaemin. Kiss me like you eat your favorite cookie.”

Jaemin kiss the man in front of him. Giggles and sweetness slipped between their kisses. His tongue asking for permission to get in and Haechan allowed him. Tasting even more sweetness from the candy he just ate on the way home. He swear to God he will become a religious person if it's mean Jaemin could kiss him for hours, more, and forever.

Haechan chasing after the tongue that was inside of him. Hand gripping into Jaemin clothes when his bottom lip is being bitten. Sucking both of his lips like there's no tomorrow. They keep kiss and suck each other soul before a loud thump followed with a protest bark knock all their senses.

A string of their spit turned into a bridge. Jaemin kiss him one last time. A long sweet peck and another real peck this time. “I think Snoopy is angry you haven't walk in since God know when.” He use his thumb to feel Haechan swollen lips.

Haechan can't think. No matter how many times he try to gain his brain cells again. He. Just. Can't. Jaemin kiss him dumb until he lost all his control.

“Yeah? He can wait,” his eyes look so lost yet so pretty, “unless you wanna come inside too?”

This is where Jaemin knows he have to be the one with brain or else they gonna do things they will (maybe) regret later.

“No, sweetheart. I can't. Ask me another time and I will say yes.”

Haechan pout, turning his mouth upside down. Hurt from the rejection. Jaemin is once again a mere man and no better than any other men. He stole the chance and kiss his pout away for one last time before he told Haechan to get in and bid their goodbye.

Jaemin I’m here

Well shit. Haechan turun dengan terburu-buru sambil membereskan rambut dan pakaiannya.

Do I look good? Should've wear concealer before I meet him. But seems like the type of person who doesn't care about looks on people. Wouldn't really matter if I look like the average corporate slave post-work, right?

Haechan Platnya apa?

Jaemin I see you!!! Gosh you look so beautiful

Haechan Jaem fokus!!!! Platnya apa

If the car is still far maybe he could run into the nearest restroom and wear his concealer. But the car just stop right in front of him with the window down already. The person inside beams a smile at him. “HAECHAN!” Jaemin couldn't contain his excitement and like a happy dog who finally see their owner he get off from his car and open the door for Haechan. Just like snoopy. “Thank you.” Haechan smiled after both of them are inside the car.

#First Date

Jaemin I’m here

Well shit. Haechan turun dengan terburu-buru sambil membereskan rambut dan pakaiannya.

Do I look good? Should've wear concealer before I meet him. But seems like the type of person who doesn't care about looks on people. Wouldn't really matter if I look like the average corporate slave post-work, right?

Haechan Platnya apa?

Jaemin I see you!!! Gosh you look so beautiful

Haechan Jaem fokus!!!! Platnya apa

If the car is still far maybe he could run into the nearest restroom and wear his concealer. But the car just stop right in front of him with the window down already. The person inside beams a smile at him. “HAECHAN!” Jaemin couldn't contain his excitement and like a happy dog who finally see their owner he get off from his car and open the door for Haechan. Just like snoopy. “Thank you.” Haechan smiled after both of them are inside the car.

Timing Sadam sangat pas sekali, menghampiri Daniel sebelum kating stalker itu sampai duluan.

“Sekalian pesenin gue juga dong. Laper lagi nih,” ucap Sadam sambil tersenyum lebar. Daniel yang masih setengah panik dan sudah pucat hanya bisa bergerak secara robotik. Menyebutkan pesanannya dan Sadam kemudian berjalan ke meja yang sebelumnya di tempati Sadam.

“Makasih. Makasih banget. Gue tadi panik banget.” Daniel berterima kasih berkali-kali kepada Sadam yang telah menyelamatkannya. “Sans. Tadinya gue mau manggil, eh, tapi lu malah keliatan pucet banget makanya gue chat aja. Lagian ada apa deh kalo boleh tau? Dari tadi lu ngeliatin hp mulu trus tiba-tiba jadi pucet—”

“Daniel. Gue mau ngomong sama lo.”

Shit. Orang gila ini bukannya mundur malah semakin berani mendatangi Daniel.

“Di meja sana aja Kak nanti gue susul,” tunjuk Daniel ke meja kosong yang tidak jauh dari mejanya. “Dam, ntar gue balik lagi. Gue mau ngomong dulu sama kating tadi.” Sadam nampak kaget tetapi mencoba mengerti. Daniel melihat ekspresinya sepintas seolah mengetahui sesuatu tetapi ia simpan untuk nanti. Sekarang ia harus berbicara kepada stalker rese tersebut dan menghentikan aksinya lebih cepat sebelum orang itu bertindak lebih bahaya.

“Langsung aja ya gue males basa basi.” Siapa juga yang mau basa basi. Daniel berdeham dan bersiap mendengar kalimat selanjutnya. “Gue suka sama lo. Jadi pacar gue?”

The sudden confession doesn't surprise him. He knows what will happen at the end. Daniel menghela napasnya mempersiapkan diri untuk mengucapkan kalimat yang sudah dari lama ia tahan.

“Dari sikap aku yang cuek harusnya paham dong aku ga punya ketertarikan yang sama. Secara ga sadar Kakak juga bikin aku ga nyaman. Banyak privasi aku yang ga diumbar ke orang lain tapi tiba-tiba Kakak tau, kesannya jadi kaya stalker. Jadi, maaf kalo aku ga bisa bales perasaan Kakak. Aku juga ga punya perasaan suka yang cukup buat jadi pacar Kakak sekaligus ga ngerasa nyaman sama sekali.”

Semua emosinya ia tata sebaik mungkin agar orang di depannya ini tidak sakit hati. Padahal bukan urusannya juga tapi Daniel being Daniel yang selalu merasa tidak enak. Sekarang pun dengan perasaan tidak enak ia menunggu respon dari sang kating.

“Oh. Yaudah.” Kating tersebut bangkit dari duduknya. “Gue cabut dulu ya. Bye.”

Kok gitu aja responnya. Daniel mengira setidaknya kating itu akan marah tetapi ia malah pergi dengan emosi yang tenang seolah tidak mendengar semua ucapan Daniel. Dengan perasaan campur aduk antara lega karena tidak terjadi hal gaduh dan takut kating itu akan bertindak di luar nalar, membuat kepala Daniel pusing. Badannya langsung berkeringat dingin.

“Niel. Daniel.” Suara seseorang berusaha mengembalikan kesadaran dirinya.

“Daniel. Lo pucet banget mau ke klinik aja ga?” Suara milik Sadam sedkit mengembalikan kesadarannya. “Ga perlu kok. Gue cuma lemes aja belom makan dari pagi.” Alis milik Sadam bertaut. Tidak mempercayai ucapan Daniel. “Benerann. Udah yuk makan. Sotonya keburu dingin nanti.”

Siang itu Daniel dan Sadam mengobrol layaknya teman dekat yang tidak pernah saling memusuhi satu sama lain di masa lalu. Sadam juga tidak mengungkit mengenai kejadian sebelumnya.

Mengambil napas panjang Daniel mempersilahkan Joshua masuk ke kamarnya. Ia sudah bersiap kalau-kalau papinya akan memarahinya lagi tapi hal pertama yang Daniel rasakan adalah pelukan. Erat. Hangat. Ia lupa kapan terakhir kali dipeluk oleh papinya seperti ini.

“Maaf, ya, Papi bikin kamu sedih sampai sakit kaya kemari. Mami marah banget pas tau anaknya demam.” Daniel segera mendongakan kepalanya ke atas. “Papi ketemu Mami pas di Sydney?” Joshua tersenyum karena antusiasme anaknya. Ia elus kepala Daniel, “Iya, soalnya Mami punya kenalan orang yang bisa design ruangan jadi sekalian deh kemarin ikut Daddy ke Sydney.”

Alisnya bertaut bingung. Apa yang sebenarnya dibicarakan oleh papinya. Melihat anaknya diam membingung Joshua menuntunnya untuk duduk di atas kasurnya. “Sebenernya yang punya job di Sydney itu Daddy. Rory istrinya Mami kepengen Daddy jadi model brand make up product company mereka. Terus Papi kebetulan inget kalo Mami punya banyak kenalan sana sini. Papi tanya lah Mami ada kenalan desainer interior ga, terus Mami bilang ada. Yaudah Papi jadinya ikut Daddy buat ke Sydney.”

“Pas dapet kabar kamu sakit Mami sama Mama langsung marahin Papi abis-abisan. Mami kamu ngedumelin Papi terus dan persis kaya kamu kalo lagi ngedumel pas ga suka sesuatu. Tapi bukan ini yang sebenernya pengen Papi omongin. Papi dari awal mau minta maaf sama Nini atas semua yang udah Papi lakuin ke kamu. Harusnya Papi jadi orang pertama yang dukung impian kamu, jadi tempat aman bauat kamu berlindung. Tapi yang Papi lakuin sebaliknya, kamu malah jadi cari tempat aman ke orang lain. Papi bukannya ga mau dukung impian kamu, tapi cuma takut kamu berakhir sama kaya Papi. I see so much of myself in you and Papi is so afraid you will do the same thing as Papi.”

Diamnya Daniel menjadi clue untuk melanjuti kalimatnya. “Papi dulu ketemu Serena, maminya kamu pas kita ada di satu band yang sama. Papi jadi pianis dan Serena jadi gitarisnya. Tapi karena satu kejadian atas keteledoran kita berdua jadi lah Nini, Niel, dan Dani. Dunia musik itu ga sebatas kamu buat musik abis itu udah selesai. Masih banyak hal lainnya dan culture yang ga familiar di kalangan awam.”

Semua berawal dari after party and hook up culture yang biasa dilakukan oleh semua anggota bandnya hingga kejadian pada suatu malam yang merubah segalanya. Joshua dan Serena hanya teman biasa yang menjadi akrab karena mereka berada di satu band yang sama. Never a thought of romantic attraction cross betweeen them. Selain itu ada juga preferred sexual orientation yang membatasi mereka. Tapi pada suatu pesta mereka meminum alkohol yang cukup kuat dan terpengaruhi oleh efek sampingnya.

The next morning they acted like nothing happened between them. 2 months later Serena started showing pregnancy symptoms and took the test. She told Joshua about the result and what she is going to do next. She’s not mad at him because it’s both their fault.

Serena tidak mau menggugurkan kandungannya dan berencana untuk menyerahkan bayinya pada adoption centre. Joshua dan Serena belum siap punya anak. Mereka bahkan masih harus menyelesaikan kuliahnya setengah tahun lagi. Tapi Joshua tidak tega kalau harus melihat anaknya dirawat oleh orang lain.

Thus why the made an agreement after the baby born he will be the one who raise them. Serena setuju dan dia juga akan ikut ambil peran menjadi ibu dari bayinya. Satu hal yang tidak akan mereka lakukan adalah menikah.

Selama menunggu bayinya lahir Joshua mengambil S2 dan juga bekerja di perusahaan ayahnya. Sementara Serena bekerja freelance dan ikut mengumpulkan uang untuk biaya persalinan. Joshua could just ask his father for money and he will give it to him but pride and dignity always consume him. He chose to work hard to earn his own money.

Selama menjalankan studi serta pekerjaannya ia bertemu Ruby dan mereka menjalin hubungan. Joshua juga sudah menjelaskan mengenai keadaannya sebelum mereka berpacaran dan Ruby tetap menerima dirinya apa adanya. He loves Joshua even more. As they wait for the babies to come, the three of them grow a feelings for the babies.

Thrill, excitement, and affection. After a long time of waiting the babies were finally born. They love them more than anything, especially Ruby. He has been waiting for the baby more than ever. He found a new purpose in life. A lifetime soulmate to Joshua and a whole time fatherhood to Daniel, Daniela, and Danielle. Twelve years later to his last child Daisy.

Mereka bertiga merawat ketiga bayi kembar yang telah hadir di dunia. Semuanya masih berjalan dengan baik selama beberapa bulan hingga sebuah kabar datang dan Serena dipaksa untuk pulang ke negaranya untuk mengambil S2 di sana sambil melanjutkan usaha orang tuanya. Wanita itu tidak memiliki pilihan selain menuruti orang tuanya. Hak asuh ia serahkan kepada Joshua dan ia berjanji akan mengirimkan uang untuk biaya hidup anak-anaknya. She did. Even Rory her wife likes to secretly send the kids a pocket money. Rory love them like her own kids.

When the triplets start to grow up Joshua wants to be a good father figure specifically for his only son. He doesn’t want them to walk the same mistake as he did. Joshua orangnya flexible tetapi tetap tegas kepada anak-anaknya. Ia membebaskan mereka tetapi sedikit mengurangi sedikit kebebasan Daniel dan ia menganggap hal ini untuk kebaikan anaknya. Anak lelaki satu-satunya maka bahunya juga harus kuat. He is strict with his daughter but even more strict with his son. So, that Daniel can be a good example for his siblings. Saat Daniela dan Danielle dibebaskan untuk bermain, Daniel harus belajar lebih dulu. Joshua menyuruhnya untuk mengikuti les musik agar ia bisa mengajari adik-adiknya.

Tetapi setiap hari sabtu dan minggu Daniel bebas buat ikut main bareng saudaranya. Mereka pernah main lama sekali. Papi sama Daddy udah nyariin mereka kemana-mana dan pas ketemu mereka semua dalam keadaan cemong sama tanah dan lumpur dan ada daun di seluruh badannya. Mereka habis nyelamatin anak-anak kucing yang kejebak di gundukan tanah becek dan semak-semak. Papi wasn’t buying their story unlike their Daddy. Daniel dimarahi habis-habisan karena tidak menjadi contoh yang baik dan hampir membahayakan saudaranya. Mereka bisa saja terluka karena tergores oleh batang kecil semak-semak.

Hari itu Joshua terlalu keras kepada Daniel hingga Ruby harus turun tangan. Saat Daniel menunggu Daniela dan Danielle dimandikan duluan oleh papinya ia tidak menangis. Ia memilih mengerjakan PR sambil menunggu saudaranya selesai. Ketika gilirannya tiba bukan Joshua yang memandikannya melainkan Ruby. Bathup berisi air hangat serta beberapa mainan menemani Daniel mandi. Sambil mengeramasi rambutnya Ruby bertanya, “Nini sedih ga dimarahin Papi?” Daniel hanya mampu menggeleng sambil memainkan bebek-bebekannya.

Merasa ada yang tidak beres Ruby berkata lagi, “Nini boleh ngerasa sedih, nangis, marah. Mau cewe atau cowo boleh merasa begitu. Jangan ditahan terus ya, sayang?” Setelah membilas wajah putranya akhirnya Daniel mulai terisak-isak kecil. Ketika badannya dikeringkan lalu dipakaikan baju tidur dan digendong oleh Daddynya akhirnya ia menangis lepas. “Cup, cup, anak hebatnya Daddy.” Daniel menangis cukup lama hingga akhirnya tertidur di pundak Ruby. Wajah anaknya ia elap dengan air hangat. Joshua yang sedari tadi sudah memperhatikan keduanya dari luar kamar langsung merasa bersalah.

Pagi hari ketika Daniel membuka matanya ia disapa oleh sang papi yang ikut tidur di sampingnya. Tubuh kecilnya mengulet kecil dan meregangkan tangan-kakinya. “Good morning, little sun.” Daniel menegang mendengar suaranya. Joshua will never forgive himself for scolding his child far too hard. Ia **peluk tubuh kecil di sampingnya dan membisikan kata maaf. “Papi minta maaf udah bentak Nini kaya kemarin. Hari ini Nini bebas mau kemana aja sebagai hadiah permintaan maaf dari Papi.”

“Zoo. Nini mau liat jerapah.”

That day the triplets didn't go to school. Their parents took a day off and all of them went to a zoo together. Daniela dan Danielle sibuk lari kesana dan kemari diikuti oleh Daddynya, sementara Daniel hanya berjalan dengan tenang bersama Papinya. Ketika mereka sedang memberi makan jerapah Daniel berada di gendongan Joshua, mereka berdua mengerutkan mukanya menampilkan ekspresi jijik tapi penasaran. Daniel tertawa kencang ketika tangan papinya tidak sengaja dijilat oleh jerapah dan disusul oleh tawa Joshua yang melihat putranya begitu bahagia.

Hati Ruby kembali menghangat melihat interaksi keduanya. Cara mereka tersenyum dan tertawa persis sekali. Dasar ayah dan anak.

“Like I said before I see so much of me in you. Sama-sama keras kepala, cara marahnya, cerobohnya, bahkan sampai cara jalan pun sama. Tapi itu semua cuma sifat dan sikap, semua balik lagi ke diri kamu. Papi percaya kamu bisa lebih baik dari Papi. Daniel is Daniel. You are my son and not a clone of me. I should’ve realise that earlier.”

Tanpa sadar air mata Daniel mengalir. “Sebagai hadiah permintaan maaf Papi punya sesuatu buat kamu. Mulai besok studio kerja Papi bakal direnovasi jadi studio musik kamu.” Alis putranya bertaut bingung. “After everything I did this is the least I can do to support your dream. Sekalian mau ubah kebiasaan buruk Papi yang suka bawa kerjaan ke rumah.” Joshua will do anything to make up his mistake whenever his kids is upset.

Dengan perasaan yang begitu penuh Daniel langsung menerjang papinya untuk memberinya pelukan. Joshua mengecup pucuk kepala putranya. “Sorry for letting you down and making you to always be a good role model while you were also just a little kid like all your siblings.”

“I know you did all of that to make me strong and be a good person. Semua yang udah berlalu biar aja berlalu yang penting sekarang Papi ada buat dukung impian aku. You are being a good father to me and it's all I wanna know.” Daniel memeluk papinya semakin erat.

Untuk pertama kalinya setelah terakhir kali ia menangis ketika bayi kembarnya lahir Joshua kembali meneteskan air matanya. “My little baby wasn't so little anymore.” Ia cium kedua pipi anaknya dan Daniel tertawa kecil karena geli.

“Much more handsome, beautiful, smarter, but not taller than me,” godanya. “Iya deh cuma Papi yang paling tinggi yang lain cuma bonsai.” Momen haru mereka hanya berlangsung sebentar dan langsung diganti oleh saling mengusili satu sama lain. Joshua mengusap sayang kepala anaknya. Not taller than me but I'm glad you always have been much more wiser than myself.

“Ayo turun. Di bawah udah ditungguin sama banyak orang, ada temen-temen kamu juga.”

“Maksudnya gimana Pi?”

“Let's go and find out yourself.”